Dr. Karen Palmer
Once you have the basics of your story down–you know who your audience is, you know what your purpose is, and you have chosen the scenes that will make up your narrative, it’s time to add the details that will allow your readers to relive this experience with you.
Real time should now become narrative time. Adding concrete details and imagery in important moments helps to slow down time for readers and help them to focus on the moments that count in your story. Another way to highlight those moments is through dialog. As you draft your paper, you’ll create the descriptions and dialog that help readers to focus in on the important moments that help to highlight the point you want to make to your readers. They help your readers experience your story with you.
Descriptive Writing
When an author writes in a descriptive style, they are painting a picture in words of a person, place, or thing for their audience. The author might employ metaphor or other literary devices in order to describe the author’s impressions via their five senses (what they hear, see, smell, taste, or touch). But the author is not trying to convince the audience of anything or explain the scene – merely describe things as they are. This is often referred to as showing, instead of telling.
Descriptive writing isn’t only used in narrative writing, but across many genres and fields. Technicians must include descriptive details when composing work orders. Nurses keep detailed reports when providing patient care. Police officers rely on description to clearly and accurately document incidents. Food critics write reviews rich with details of the cuisine and ambiance of restaurants. The list goes on. Descriptive writing can help strengthen the presentation of your ideas by helping the audience experience the subject.
Examples of Descriptive Writing
- Poetry
- Journal/diary writing
- Descriptions of Nature
- Fictional novels or plays
- Ad Analysis!
- Travel Writing
- Food blogs
Creating Rich Experiences with Words
Filmmakers make their movie worlds come alive through images, motion, sound, and special effects. Writers need to think like filmmakers and make their story worlds come alive through description.
Rich description allows readers to imaginatively experience the subject by providing details that describe what something looks like and even how it sounds, smells, feels, and tastes. These sensory details give readers a rich experience, much like a movie.
Imagine the different senses to which the story could appeal. We are a very visual culture, but go beyond describing what things look like—consider incorporating smells or sounds. Think about the way something feels when touched. Also think about how these details can help draw a reader in. Consider this an example from a student’s narrative:
At the beginning of every school year, I am obligated to introduce myself to a new sea of adolescent hormones swimming with impulsiveness, curiosity, and unfiltered tourette-like verbal ejaculations. Sure, I could stand before the little urchins, and with trident in hand, I could dictate the rules of my class and cast off a long list of life experiences that made me the immortal that stands before them or I could let them place their expectations upon me creating an environment of perceived equality. Being a believer in a democratic classroom, I always opt for the latter.
Look at the way this writer builds on the details: the words “sea,” “swimming,” and “trident” work beautifully together. And look at the choices the student made: using the words “adolescent hormones” and “urchins” instead of students; “unfiltered tourette-like verbal ejaculations” could have simply been opinions or obnoxious comments. The story includes a lot of visual elements, but the phrase “verbal ejaculations” also appeals to the ears. These words, phrases, and ideas all work together to paint a picture of the author of this story.
The author of this story is a student, but she is also a middle-school teacher. The main point of the story is to show who she is as a teacher. Everything in this paragraph relates to that main point. We do not know the color of her hair, whether she is wearing a shirt or a sweater, or if she is tall or short. After all, none of these things relate to the point of this story. Great detail and description and emotions are very important to the narrative. But they need to be the right details, descriptions, and emotions, and they need to be used at the right time.
The ultimate success of the narrative depends on how well you show, not tell, who you are (i.e. use more indirect characterization than direct characterization). Have faith in your words and in the story you are telling. Trust that the story works and do not end the story with a statement like “clearly this event shows that I am a trustworthy person.” Let the story do its job.
Consider two more paragraphs from our middle-school teacher’s story:
On the first day of class last year, I allowed students to take seats at their leisure. I sat on my desk and when everyone was settled, I quietly commanded their attention by placing a large black top hat upon my head. Conversations abruptly stopped as my curious audience took notice. ‘If I were to say that hats are a metaphor for the different roles we play in our lives, what do you think that means?’ I was met with blank stares. ‘What if I said that I play many roles every day? I am a teacher, a mother, a daughter, a coworker, and a friend. Are the expecta- tions for those different roles the same or different?’ A hand raises and a girl with pale skin, lively eyes and thick auburn hair answers, ‘Of course they’re different. I don’t act the same around my friends as I do in front of my parents!’ She has a smug ‘as if ’ expression.
‘You’re absolutely right,’ I acknowledge. ‘Now what if I were to ask you to define the expectations of my role as your teach- er?’ Eyebrows rise as the class considers this. ‘I’m going to pass out sticky notes and I want each of you to write down a word or phrase that describes what my job is as your teacher. When you are done, I want you to place your note on the strip of blue pa- per that runs up the wall in the back of the room. Each of you should place your note above the note of the person that went before you so that we create a column of sticky notes. Does everyone understand?’ A thin-faced, black boy with large eyes and bright teeth pipes up, “So we get to tell you how to do your job?’ I thoughtfully pause before answering, ‘Well . . . yah!’
What do we learn about the author from reading this passage? What kind of teacher is she? We could describe her as creative, brave, caring, and dedicated. We could decide that she is not afraid to take some risks. We know that she loves her job. Does she directly state any of these things? No. But her story shows that she is all of these things.
Sample Sensory Descriptions
| Sense | Example(s). |
| Sight | The sea of golden wheat swayed, almost danced in the breeze.
The majestic Glacier Park lodge sat proudly at the end of the long-manicured lawn. I gazed at the endless night sky afire with glittering stars. |
| Sound | The heavy door creaked open revealing a dim interior.
In the distance, the fireworks sizzled and boomed, announcing another year. The ominous beat of helicopter blades cutting through the air put us all on edge. |
| Taste | She sipped the bitter coffee wishing for cream.
As the boy bit into the crisp Granny Smith apple, his face puckered at the unexpected tartness. A metallic tang filled my mouth as blood began to pool under my tongue. |
| Touch | I shivered uncontrollably even though I was zipped in my down sleeping bag.
With every step, my pack rubbed my hips and shoulders raw, leaving sores screaming for me to stop. Tessa’s soft fur felt like silk against my skin. |
| Smell | As we walked into the bakery, my senses were assaulted with sweet confections–buttery caramel, rich chocolate, yeasty dough, and burnt sugar.
|
When to Use Description in Narrative
Setting
Each scene or chapter should answer: Where, When, and Who. These scenes are the drivers of the plot. It will be up to you as the writer how to arrange and order scenes; it’s important to keep the story moving and keeping the reader interested. It’s useful to alternate between fast action and slow action. When you start to edit, you’ll decide then what scenes are needed and which are useless.
“How to Describe Setting in a Story” includes some great tips for writing descriptively about the setting.
Characters
A character’s appearance is probably the most basic technique of characterization and individualization: what a person looks like reveals a great deal about who that person is, his attitude, perhaps even his mental state, his economic and social status, and so on. We form our initial attitude about a person based on his appearance and we either like or dislike him; we either take him seriously or we dismiss him.
The author should know his character’s external aspects, even if none of these will make it into the story, even if the plot will not rely on them. When the author does include external aspects of character in the story, he must make sure that every aspect mentioned serves a purpose. No aspect should be brought up unless it has story consequences. External aspects of character matter: they are the significant details that reveal a character’s nature and past, affect the formation of character, create a need, have thematic significance, serve as motifs, limit and create opportunities for action, and are consistent or contrast with the character’s story function.
The most obvious external factors of a character that influence his formation as a person are sex, race, and physical appearance. This is because sex, race, and physical appearance influence the formative experiences a person will go through, experiences that determine who he becomes and affect his way of seeing the world as well as himself.
Characters are what they do on the page, so you’ll need to justify the behavior of characters (show their fears, hopes, loves, hates, motivations and how these led to action). Good writers show who their characters are instead of telling the reader.
- Instead of telling the reader a character is kind, they narrate a scene where the character is being kind to another character, etc.
- The way people dress is often reflective of their attitude. A lot of good authors use this technique of describing a person’s clothes, thereby reflecting their characters’ personality.
What readers need to know about a character is typically less than writers think!
Multidimensionality: What do they hate? What is their favorite color? Are they obsessive about something, and, if so, what? What are their favorite expressions and exclamations? What are they afraid of?
Please watch “How to Write a Character Description” for some great tips for describing your characters.
Dialog
In addition to description, dialog is another way to bring life to your narrative. Dialog is conversation or people speaking in your story. Engaging dialog goes beyond what is simply being said to include description of non-verbal communication (facial expressions, body movement, changes in tone and speed of speech) and characterization. The way people speak and interact while talking reveals much about them and the situation. Writing natural sounding dialogue is not easy. Effective dialogue must serve more than one purpose – it should:
- Drive the plot forward,
- Reveal information about the characters, and
- Build tension or introduce conflict.
Dialog is a great way to show, rather than tell.
Basic Dialogue Rules
- Use a comma between the dialogue and the tag line.
- “I want to go to the beach,” she said.
- End punctuation goes inside the quotation marks.
- He asked, “Where’s the champagne?”
- When a tag line interrupts a sentence, it should be set off by commas.
- “That is,” Wesley said, “that neither you nor me is her boy.”
- Every time you switch to a different speaker, start a new paragraph.
- Even if the speaker says only one word, with no accompanying attribution or action, it is a separate paragraph.
- Start a new paragraph when you wish to draw the reader’s attention to a different character, even if that character doesn’t actually speak.
- For internal dialogue, italics are appropriate.
Sample Dialogue
Example Dialog
“So, what was it really like?” I asked.
“I’ve told you. It was amazing.”
I shifted to my side so I could look at her. “You have to give me more than that,” I insisted, “and not the mom and dad version.”
Liv mirrored my move to her side and propped up her head with her arm. Her blue eyes searched my greens, looking for the right words. “I shouldn’t–”
We broke our gaze as we heard our mom call for us. Once again, I didn’t get the truth.
The most important thing to remember is that dialogue should sound natural – like the voice of the person speaking. Practice saying it out loud as if reading a script for an audition.
Importance of the Introduction
Will your introduction grab a reader’s attention? Think about sitting in a doctor’s office or waiting for your car to be repaired. You pick up a magazine and start to thumb through it. How long do you give an article to grab your attention before turning the page? Some people flip to the next page if the title of the article does not interest them; other more generous readers will read the first sentence or two before deciding to continue reading or to move on to the next page. Something in the opening paragraph, hopefully in the first sentence or two, should grab the reader and make him or her want to read on.
Here is an example from another student’s narrative:
This is the first paragraph of the student’s narrative essay, and it does several things nicely. The conversational tone draws us in. We almost feel as if we are getting to peek inside the author’s head. “Tripp’s Wife,” “Janice’s Daughter,” “chef,” “personal shopper” are lovely specifics, and, equally important, these are specifics to which most people can relate. Perhaps we are Bob’s son or Suzie’s boyfriend instead of a daughter or a wife, but we can still see the similarities between the author’s life and our own. And because of that, we want to know how she answers the question “who am I?”
Double Check for Paper Elements
Treat this story like any other paper. Have a solid organizational scheme (chronological often works well), keep one main idea per paragraph, use transitional phrasing, vary the sentence structure, and make sure the ideas flow into each other. Reflect on word choice and particularly verb choices. Just think, for example, of all the different synonyms for the word walk. A character could strut, saunter, stroll, sashay, or skip. She could mosey, meander, or march. Powerful verbs are a great way to add panache and detail to a story without making it wordy or slowing the pace.
Revision
Proofread, edit, and proofread again. Give the story to a friend and ask them to read it. Do not tell them what the paper is about or what you are trying to accomplish. Instead just ask them what they learned or what three words they would use to describe your story.
Attributions:
- “Descriptive Writing” from About Writing: A Guide by Robin Jeffrey. Licensed CC BY.
- “Creating Rich Experiences with Words” adapted from Writing Unleashed. Licensed under CC BY NC SA.
- “Dialog” adapted from Writing Unleashed. Licensed under CC BY NC SA.
- “Setting” and “Characters” adapted from Write or Left by Sybil Priebe. Licensed under CC BY NC SA.
- Adapted from “Storytelling, Narration, and the Who Am I story” by Catherine Ramsdell. Licensed CC BY NC SA.
